Persistent, not.

I really hope things that are posted here won’t be so depressing, but it seems inevitable. The longer I can’t find work, the more depressed I get. And when I’m not working, it means I have more time to think about the things I know, like what you can do for her, who you go out with, although I don’t have a say in anything you do. And how you could send long texts but only send extremely short ones to me. Or how you try to hide when you get a text, and how much you used to text me when you’re being ignored by her, making me feel like a substitute. What I’m feeling is also what you felt, just that you didn’t notice. It’s like “A” giving “B” this treatment and “B” unknowingly giving “C” the same treatment. My heart died a little each time I know something, so sometimes I really hate myself for being so observant. That’s why I’ve been kinda ignoring you the past few weeks. But I was never known to be someone persistent, so in the end I always succumb to what my heart says. The songs that radio are playing is not helping too. It seems like all the songwriters are depressed. Or they know there are lots of lonely souls out there who needs these songs to keep them depressed. Sometimes I talk gibberish, gets angry at you for no reason(when I was just angry at myself), it is actually me trying to tell you something which I’m afraid once said, you will say I’m crazy or brush it off as another gibberish talk or start to talk to me less or ignore me or some other things. And this whole paragraph is just a decoy to let me tell you something, which is how much I miss you.

一半

A very nice song, which is most appropriate to listen when you’re alone and feeling emo.

一半
丁当

喝酒的伴 一起看电影的伴
早午晚餐的那个伴
朋友不能留得太晚
明天要上班
唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴
听懂我的笑话的伴
我的生活 只差那个人就美满
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
节日却提醒我孤单
没有想法 有想法又能怎样
只能写部落格整晚
几个留言安慰不了 心里的遗憾
没有负担 原来也是种负担
自由多得让人心慌
你羡慕我 那要不要跟我交换
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
努力把日子填满
别来提醒 我多孤单
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
没人知道我多孤单

我只是寂寞的解藥。

丑角
曹格

陪你放肆嬉鬧 開場前就應該明瞭
誰該買票 誰扮丑角 早註定好

只要你不無聊 濃妝我就不會卸掉
努力討好 逗你歡笑 多陪你一秒

我只是 寂寞的解藥
我也知道 曲終人該散了

只要你開心就好 若只是你生命的配角 娛樂過你也驕傲
就算聽你說他的好 心裡對你再多愛慕 仍是站在遠處 只給你祝福

你有權力尋找 你最適合誰的擁抱
既然愛過 還你自由 我不哭不鬧

我只是 寂寞的解藥
我也知道 曲終人該散了

只要你開心就好 若只是你生命的配角 娛樂過你也驕傲
就算聽你說他的好 心裡對你再多愛慕 仍是站在遠處

燈滅掉 人散了 我開始找 找不到 你尖叫 你的笑 跌了ㄧ跤
這雙腳 不知道 怎麼逃 傷痛煎敖 就留我獨自枯坐牆角

只要你開心就好 我只是你生命的配角 娛樂過你也驕傲
就算聽你說他的好 心裡對你再多愛慕 仍是站在遠處 只給你祝福

*****

我只是寂寞的解药,对吗?

And everything is a lie.

谁都不相信了。